Monday, February 6, 2012

Christmas Without Sara

December 1, 2011 2:31:45 AM PST
Dear Shirley and Lisa:

Hi. I felt like writing tonight, so I thought I'd share with you.....

I knew this day was coming. The day when the girls would beg and nag me to get the Christmas boxes down from the garage so we could decorate the house for Christmas. It's like I saw this day in a vision when Sara was lying in the hospital in a coma. How would I be able to look at her stocking, how would I be able to have Christmas cheer? How would I be able to celebrate Christmas without my precious Sara?

As I pulled out the stocking with her name on it and hung it on her angel stocking holder, Steve took note that "Sara really is our angel now." As I was trying to figure out how to arrange the stockings on the mantel over the fireplace, I finally settled on placing Sara's stocking right next to my stocking. It felt right there. For four years little Sara was right next to me most of the time. She still is.

Anna and Cate were at my side as I pulled more items out of the Christmas box. Next were some of the little girls' preschool crafts. Two cute little books entitled, "My Holiday Book of Senses," one created by Anna and one by Sara. Anna was fascinated with her book that she had made and I think the fact that she could read most of the text on her own now. The next items out of the box were photo Christmas tree ornaments; also from Miss Shirley's preschool last year. That's when I lost it. Holding that precious Christmas gift that Sara had given me -looking at the picture of her sweet smile as she stood in front of the Christmas tree last year was just too much. Cate gave me big hugs in the garage as I wept. I brought the ornament in the house and showed it to Steve and I cried some more with my sweet husband. "Christmas is going to be rough this year without Sara," he said.

Thank you again for the sweet preschool memories I have of Sara! And what a blessing that we got to have Sara for the holidays last year! When I think about how hard this Christmas is, I remember that a loving Heavenly Father let us keep Sara for her birthday and Christmas last year and I am ever so grateful!

I enjoyed being in preschool again the other day! Of course I kept thinking about Sara and how blessed she and all the little children are to have two loving teachers like you! What a special privilege you have to love and teach God's precious little ones!

I hope this doesn't sound too depressing. If I get to writing part II of this (gotta get some rest now), I'll share with you how actually beautiful and sacred and wonderful this CHRISTmas is because of the knowledge and testimony I have of my Savior and His Atonement and what He has done for me, personally. I am so blessed!

Love you lots!


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