Wednesday was a quiet day for Sara with no tests and no changes. Also on that day, two social workers, a nurse and a psychologist stopped by Sara’s room to see if I needed any support. I was sitting by Sara’s bed when they asked me if I had any religious beliefs and if I had any hope for Sara. The room was very quiet as these four women stood around Sara’s bed and I thought for a moment about the question. Then, through my tears, I was able to tell them much of what I have already expressed here in my updates. It went something like this:
Sara is a very special daughter of our Heavenly Father and if it is in His plan for Sara to wake up, then she most certainly will. God is in control. I know that Sara will always be my daughter and I will always be her mother. If it is her time to go, I will find peace in knowing that she has fulfilled her mission on earth. I know that I will see Sara again and that our whole family will be reunited again after this life. I also know what the doctors have said from the beginning about her not making improvements and not waking up. It is God’s decision, not mine and not the doctors. And if I could add one more thing now to what I said it would be that I have hope in and because of Christ.
I don’t know if that was the answer they were looking for, but our conversation continued on for quite a while about our family after that. They seem to be very smart and caring women and I can only imagine what heartache they must witness every day at work.
It was quite an emotional day as Sara went another day without improvement.
Thursday, Sara had another CT scan of her brain, but this time using a high dose resolution. Surprisingly, it came back better than expected. It showed some swelling of the brain, but not to the degree the doctors were expecting. It also showed no bleeding.
Regardless of the scan, the doctors tell us they are not putting much weight on its results but instead say what matters most is what Sara is doing, or in this case, not doing, neurologically. In other words they are pessimistic about the outcome for Sara but at the same time are very kind and supportive.
It's important to understand that Sara’s brain injury occurred due to lack of oxygen to the brain. This is very different from an actual trauma to the brain. The doctors explained that Sara would have a better chance of recovery if she had been shot in the head or had fallen off a balcony than to experience loss of oxygen to the brain. It is very different.
Furthermore, Sara's predicament is a little more complicated than just her brain injury. Not only is she still receiving powerful meds to sustain her heart function, but she will most likely need heart surgery as well. We have been told that the surgeons won’t take a comatose patient into the operating room.
This whole experience is sureal for us. Of course, no parent ever wants to be in this situation. We love our daughter more than words can explain and our heart aches that she is in this situation. We continue to fast and pray and stay close to the Lord so that we may know His will and find peace.
Steve asked me if I was going to blog about him crying again. Hopefully he won't mind if I share this little experience: Tonight, after the night nurse came on shift, Steve was reading Sara a story from a princess book that one of the nurses from a few days ago went out and bought for Sara. After Steve finished reading, the nurse told Steve how touching it was to see a Dad sit and read to his little daughter who was so sick. She told us how many parents only give attention to their kids when their child is able to interact with them. Steve explained that we weren’t shy and wouldn't be embarassed by acting as if we were interacting with Sara. It’s true, often we have to just pretend the nurse is not there and just talk, read or sing to Sara as if it were just us in the room. Every moment we have with Sara is treasured.
Please continue to pray for Sara and our family. We feel of your love and are strengthened by your prayers and support. We are trying to find reasons to be grateful (like having your love and prayers) and expressing them to the Lord in our prayers. We are truly blessed. Maybe I’ll share more about those things in a later post. For now, I need to get some sleep.
Love, Melinda & Steve
Posted Jan 30, 2011 12:41am
by Kim McSorley
Your strength is absolutely amazing to me. You are such a wonderful inspiration to us all! We are all praying for you and thinking of you every minute of the day!
Posted Jan 26, 2011 1:03am
by Alex Hendrickson
I just want you to know how much we love you and your family! We are praying for all of you and our faith is stronger by seeing yours.
Love Lex, Dana, Sydney and Brady
Posted Jan 24, 2011 4:08pm
by Jessie Brubaker
We don't know each other but I got your blog from the heart connection group. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I too believe God has a plan. My friends and I will continue to pray for your family and your sweet Sara.
Posted Jan 23, 2011 12:05pm
by Nicole Carlson
You express your faith so beautifully. We are praying for sweet little Sara and your entire family.
Posted Jan 23, 2011 1:13am
by Avery Wight
Melinda and Steve,
Sara is so lucky to have parents as wonderful as you! You are such an amazing family and I hope you know how much we all love you! We are praying for sweet Sara and sending big hugs to you and the girls.
Please know that we can help with whatever you need. Kiss Sara for us!
Posted Jan 22, 2011 1:46pm
by Sheila Browning
We will be happy to fast for Sara. We pray all prayers will benefit her needs.
Mike and Sheila Browning
Posted Jan 22, 2011 1:42am
by Jenn Shay
Melinda, Steve, & Girls-
My prayers and those of my family's are with you during this most difficult and trying time. Just reading over the posts, you can see what a huge impact little Sara has already had on the world in just a few years on earth. Look at all the people she has praying to the Lord Our Father . . . That being said, Wake up, Sleeping Beauty- your family is waiting.
Much love and prayers,
Jenn Shay and Family (SMOM)
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:14pm
by Melissa Rosen
I don't know you, but I am am CA Heart Connection mom and wanted you to know I am thinking of you, Sara and your family quite a bit since reading your first post to the yahoo group. We have also had some trying times at CHLA, with 2 surprise OH surgeries. I imagine you are going through similar emotions, plus much, much more. Please just know that there are others out there rooting for your little one, and wishing you much peace and love during this most difficult time.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 9:09pm
by Alex Fink
You have not left my mind since first learning of Sara's story. I have so many people praying for Sara and I want you to know that you are such an amazing woman and mother! I wish I had only a quarter of your strength. You are just as much an inspiration as Sara is a fighter and a miracle.
Alex and the Fink family
Posted Jan 21, 2011 8:28pm
by Barbara Davis
Steve and Melinda, You and Little Sara are in our prayers. Your post was beautiful! We will also pray for the medical staff that they will have healing hands. Love Bob and Barbara Davis
Posted Jan 21, 2011 8:06pm
by Susan Robison
Dear Melinda and Steve,
What a difficult time this is for you. We are so very sorry that Sara's condition is so critical. If there is a miracle to be had, we pray it will be yours and Sara's. We know the time you have with her will always be a blessing in your life. We send our prayers for your peace and comfort and we send our love to you.
With Love, Susan and Ron
Posted Jan 21, 2011 6:47pm
by Aimee Molloy
I am in awe of your strength...we pray for Sara as a family every night.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 6:40pm
I constantly think of you, your husband and of course Sara and believe it or not, your strength in this situation is giving me the strength that I need in order to deal with my dad's death. I continue to pray for Sara and like you said, it's in God's hands and as much as you love Sara, always remember God loves her most.....it's a difficult situation, but you are strong and God has and will continue to hold you through this. My prayers are with you and you may not realize it, but you are an inspiration to me and am blessed to have you in my life.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 5:50pm
by Robin Gray
Your uncanny ability to express yourself so clearly throughout this heartache is amazing. Your words and your faith are an inspiration for all. We are witnessing God's grace. Thank you for that. You remain in our prayers.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 5:21pm
by Tammy Fadel
I am a good friend of your Aunt Nancy. I feel as if I know you, because I've heard so much about you and your family through her. I want you to know, I am praying for your little Angel and your family. God Bless your Family
Posted Jan 21, 2011 3:59pm
by Valerie Smith
Your faith and love is an inspiration. We continue to pray for your family.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 3:43pm
by Debbie Savage
we are praying for sara! Your testimony and faith in the Lord is beautiful. Giving you and steve hugs from us!
Posted Jan 21, 2011 3:33pm
by Kristin Dutwiler
You and your family are always in our prayers.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 3:30pm
by Ede Streiff
Hoping and Praying for the best outcome for your family.
Love, Ede Streif
Posted Jan 21, 2011 2:09pm
by Holly Rossiter
Even if Sara body is not responding I'm sure her spirit know you are there and she knows you love her. You are so amazing. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are always on my mind and in my prayers.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 1:57pm
by Sandra Ferraro
We love you Steve and Melinda and girls. I wish we could be there closer to help. Just know you and little Sara are constantly in our thoughts and prayers, and your sustaining faith is a comfort to us.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 1:50pm
by Brooke O'Farrell
Melinda, thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony during this trying time. You and Sara and the rest of your family are in our prayers.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 1:40pm
Don't give up...don't ever give up! You are in our prayers...to say the least. You have a beautiful perspective and like you I know she can be healed. May you be surrounded by peace and comfort always!
Posted Jan 21, 2011 1:16pm
by Melanie Von Burg
You are a beautiful person and your faith in God is what this is about.....your strength in the Lord will prove to be a powerful message to those who are searching for strength in other places.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 12:44pm
by Christine Lewis
Your strenghth leaves me in awe each day as I read of your dedication, patience and love. You continue to be in our prayers for hope that Sara will continue to bless you on this earth for years to come. God bless!
Posted Jan 21, 2011 12:43pm
by Lori Hexberg
You guys are amazing. I pray for your continued strength and comfort and of course for little Sara. Love you!
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:57am
I am praying daily for the healing of your daughter. I think of her often as I go throughout my day. For some reason your story has struck deep in my heart! Must be the twin bond or you common belief in God! I recently lost my mother. I know it is not the same but knowing how painfull and wonderful all at the same time it was to sit by the bed talking singing and spending time with someone you love so much. They are such bitter sweet memories for me. I also know as a nurse that kids do amazing things even in these situations and as a christian I know that miracles happen! Please let me know if I can do anything for you! Any time anything!! Even if you just let me know what I can pray for! Your little girl is so beautifull and precious! You and your husband are amazing parents!
Praying for you all!
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:45am
by Barbara Lamprecht
Melinda and Steve,
You all have been in our thoughts and prayers constantly, as have been Anna and Cate. I know it must be extremely hard for them also, being young and not getting to be there all the time with you and especially with Sara.
You have been amazing examples to all of us who love you and are praying for all of you. I can't imagine your feelings, but am grateful for the blessings of the Gospel than can bring hope and a measure of peace and comfort during such a trying time.
We sure love you! Our thoughts and prayers will be with you all day!
Love, Barbara & Rick
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:21am
by molly jackson
Summer Thacker notified me of your situation and I have been following your story. It is so very similar to what we went through. Our little Lucy, 2 yrs. old, choked on a small apple piece as we were leaving church and was without oxygen for over twenty minutes. Her brain also swelled and she went through similar testing. She was eventually pronounced brain dead and we chose to donate her organs and say goodbye.
I know this is not a hopeful story. It has been 2.5 yrs since the accident. I just want you to know, that whatever the outcome, I do believe, as you have said, that the Lord is aware of you and your situation and your precious little Sara. And you will come away stronger and better, but it is a battle. I am sure you have many friends cheering you on. I am here for you if you need anything.
You have constantly been on my mind. These are very sacred times for you. So painful. So painful. But so sacred. My heart is with you.
With love from Park City,
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:20am
by Pam Hadfield
My heart aches for Sara, you, and your family. May you know we are all thinking and praying for you. You are being blessed with strength, I can hear it in your words. May you continue to be blessed and strengthened through this most trying time.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 10:12am
by Mary Lou Andrea
thank you for sharing your faith and so much strength with me by your love of the Savior and so much love for your dear sweet little girl --- I am in awe of gifts that
God has bestowed on you and Steve and your family during such a trying time. I love you,
Posted Jan 21, 2011 9:53am
by Holli Gutierrez
We continue to pray and hope with you. You are an amazing example of courage. xoxo.
Posted Jan 21, 2011 9:48am
by Trisha Sullivan
I continue to keep Sara and your family in my heart and prayers. I pray that she will continue to make improvements. Your strength is so inspiring, I am so sorry that your family is going through so much.
Trisha Sullivan (SMOMC)